February 19, 2009

• Sibling Preparedness Plan

  It's no secret: I'm a planner. Sure, my six years as a full-time project manager enhanced my planning skills, but this goes way back. I remember that one time, when I was in high school, June and I decided to see a movie together. Hours before the movie was supposed to start, I started plotting out exactly when we should leave the house, working backwards from how long it would take to drive to the theater, park, get tickets and find good seats. June turned to me and snapped, "God, Bev! Going to a movie is supposed to be fun!" My reply was, and still would be, that it wouldn't be fun if we ended up getting there after the movie began, or if we ended up in the very first or last rows, now would it? (However, I should add that June is a great planner as well -- she's just less neurotic than I am, which is good.)

  The fact is, planning calms me. Even if something doesn't go according to plan, the fact that there was a plan that began "correctly" makes it easier to come up with a, well, plan to get things back on track. So you can imagine how much Baby Surprise threw me for a loop, initially. By the way, I would like to reiterate that unplanned does not equal unwanted in any way. Baby Surprise was/is very much wanted -- we've always wanted a second child, and he is an extremely welcome addition to the family, in every bit the way Jack is. However, Jack went very much according to plan: From the time that the positive test came back, I plotted how to decorate his room, what baby gear I would need, and all that good stuff. Now that our family is expanding again, that inner planner is dying to take over -- my nesting instinct is even stronger this time. I always envisioned that when I became pregnant ith my second child, I would be in a situation where I could just take care of the "warm fuzzies," such as nursery decor, organizing Jack's infant clothes and gear for his sibling and making meals to freeze in advance. But, now I'm dealing with the "cold realities" of mortgage applications, house hunting and moving. The fact that all this has to happen before the warm fuzzies keeps me up at night, especially when I consider that my pregnancy will be halfway over this Saturday. HALFWAY OVER, and I don't know yet where I'm going to live when it's all the way over!

  I do want to say, before I get to the point of this entry, that I'm not really complaining. In this economy, Johnny and I are extremely lucky. We have 1.5 well-paying jobs (the half a job is mine  ... ahh, if only being a mom entailed a paycheck!); two well-running, relatively recently-made cars that, thanks to the generosity of both sets of parents, don't require monthly payments; the knowledge that we can get a mortgage in the amount we need; and family members who provide us with emotional support and childcare help when we most need it. So, most of the time I'm very grateful and know that I'm not in a place to complain ... but I do stress.

  So, after all this has been said, the point is that I've found a way to plan that does not involve houses, nursery decor or plans for Jack's big boy room. That, folks, is to come up with a Sibling Preparedness Plan for Jack. In order to prepare him (and myself) for his brother's arrival, we're going to begin with a multi-pronged attack (perhaps a friendlier word would be "approach"):

  1. Goodbye, paci. In a way, I love the paci. It's an off button when Jack is fussy, especially in public places, and a great aide for getting him off to sleep on his own. But, I get so many negative comments about it, and I admit that sometimes it makes me a lazy mother. It's easy to give it to him and get on with my own business. I hate seeing him grab it willy-nilly throughout the day. Plus, I just don't want to deal with washing and storing two kids' worth of pacis. (Yes, I will be using pacis with Surprise, if he likes them. The good outweighs the bad, in my opinion.) As with most other baby-related transitions, my preferred technique is cold turkey (and Jack seems to take to that approach well, as was the case with the end of swaddling and the end of bottles). A few days after our return to Taiwan -- yikes, that would be next week -- I am throwing out all of our pacis. OK, I'm going to keep one buried in a drawer somewhere. Sorry in advance, neighbors, but I don't think the transition will take long. One thing I will miss is the recent behavior Jack's developed of handing me or my mom his paci occasionally and requesting, "shi shi," which means "wash wash" in Chinese. He'll stand there and watch you wash his paci, then hold out his hand and ask for it back. Cute, but soon to be no more.

  2. Goodbye, crib. After the paci has been well-eliminated, we're getting guard rails for the full-size bed in Jack's room and moving him in the big boy bed. This will be months before Surprise is born. When we move into our house this spring, the crib will go in the nursery, and Jack's room will not contain any of his current furniture, except his big boy bed. I'm tempted to get him big boy sheets, but he doesn't know the difference right now, and I've decided to wait until we get the house and decide on a paint color for the walls of Jack's room. Plus at that time, we can get him a new dresser, so we might as well save all the big boy transitions for then, rather than put big boy bedding in a room adorned with cute little frogs and dragonflies.

  3. Introducing patience. Ahh, patience. It's something Jack does not have and probably will not have for several years. But, at least, I'm going to gradually get him used to waiting a few minutes for something he wants. I'm very lucky in that I'm going to have my mom helping me out full-time for the first year of Surprise's life, but I'm sure there will be times when Jack needs to wait for something (and even if not, I want him to get used to this). However, as Jack's mother doesn't have much patience herself, this might be a skill that's learned by both the toddler and the adult.

  4. Hello, toilet. We'll continue with the potty training efforts. Alas, after much success with consistently pooping on the toilet, Jack has regressed. He no longer wants to even sit on the toilet. It doesn't surprise me that this happened in Taiwan, but the weird thing is that he pooped well here for the first week, then decided he didn't want to. I'm hoping it's temporary. Otherwise I'm going to have to send him off to his prom with his toilet ring in hand, haha.

  5. Lots of quality time with Mommy and Daddy. This is most important of all. We do tell Jack that a baby is coming, but the truth is that he's too young to really understand, so we're going to focus on just continuing to have fun with him and give him as much undivided love and attention as we can before Surprise joins us. That will be absolutely wonderful, but I also treasure this alone time with Jack, time that I'll never get back. I really can't get over the fact that my little baby boy is going to be a big brother soon.

  So that's my five-pronged plan! I'll be sure to keep you guys posted on my progress. Wish us luck!

  • 8:51 am
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