October 2, 2008
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Old vs. New
I think motherhood has made me a more relaxed person, in some ways. I know it's hard to believe -- after all, I am the girl who, from her 35th to 40th weeks of pregnancy, crawled on her hands and knees for half an hour each day, lay upside-down on a tilted ironing board, and did handstands in the pool, all in the name of trying to turn her breech baby (to no avail, alas). I also had two medical professionals tell me that my muscles were so tense, Jack couldn't turn even if he wanted to, and that I should relax -- to which I replied, "I AM RELAXED!" Haha. But, even if I'm still relatively high-strung, many of my views toward parenting relaxed quite a bit when faced with reality. Here, a sampling of Old vs. New attitudes, from Jack's birth to now:
Old: No pumping until I return to work!
New: Day 1 -- Breastfeeding is a breeze! Day 2 -- Hmm, a bit of soreness. Day 3 -- Can I time nursing sessions to when I'm supposed to take painkillers for my incision? Day 4 -- A thousand needles are pricking my nipples! Is that blood?? Good thing my mom sterilized the pump parts after I returned from the hospital!Old: My baby will never even know what a pacifier is!
New: Good Lord, how long will my four-day-old keep screaming holy murder? Paci, please!Old: No ice cream or any sweets until preschool.
New: Sorry, I'm too busy feeding Jack ice cream and cake to type out my new attitude.
Old: No TV until Jack is two, and even then, only 10 minutes at a time.
New: "Jack, why don't you watch some Ni Hao, Kai-Lan or Mickey Mouse Playhouse so that Mommy can send a work email or go to the bathroom? Here are some grapes, too. That should keep you busy for 15 minutes." (On a side note, I love Ni Hao, Kai-Lan! It's so cute, and it reinforces the Mandarin that I'm speaking to Jack. I know we can watch it in Nick Jr., but I bought a DVD with four episodes at Target, too. And now I have the song stuck in my head.)OK, lest you all think I'm a terrible mother, I don't give Jack ice cream on a regular basis, and he doesn't watch TV every day. But, I do think some treats once in a while are OK (especially when he sees me eating ice cream on special occasions ... OK, who am I kidding? I eat ice cream every day, but usually after Jack's in bed for the night), and let's face it, the TV is a nice distraction when you just need a few minutes to get something done urgently. There are still some views I haven't let go of -- for example, I am definitely going to try for a VBAC for baby #2, unless there's some medical reason I shouldn't. I don't care what anyone says, I'm going to get my chance at a natural birth!
We'll give "direct" breastfeeding (as in, not via the pump) another go, too, and also the homemade baby food (I do stand firm on no added sugars before one year old). But next time, I will not set any unrealistic rules for myself about paci use, ice cream and TV!
Comments (14)
i try not to be toooooo overly strict on my child. i think once in while sweet is good. body needs sweet. tv's are ok, but Carla doesn't watch it. she hates it... i think motherhood just is amazing... for me, i learn everything during this time that i've never learned before.
Good for you Beverly! I love your new attitude and outlook on motherhood. I would've been the same way as you and then caved in. I don't think a little icecream or tv will hurt every now and then.. I grew up watching WAY to much tv lol, but I think I turned out ok. And lots of kiddie shows are very educational. I loved Sesame and the Disney ch growing up and I still sometimes watch Disney..he he. I'm glad you're more laidback! I'm v. high strung too and its hard for me to relax. I just worry way to much and I'm anxious about everything. Maybe if I have a baby one day, that will all change.
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p.s. That is awesome you want to try a natural childbirth w/ baby #2-not sure if I could do that b/c I don't have a high tolerance for pain. :/
It's all about moderation, isn't it? I'm a bit more laid back about the TV and the sweet stuff, too. Not that they watch much TV or eat a ton of sweets, but I'm not going to friggin shield their eyes if the TV is on (gotta watch some football!), and sometimes they can have some of my ice cream. Anyways, if you restrict it all, eventually they're just going to want it more because it's forbidden...
If I have any more kids (and that's a big "if", especially if M has anything to say about it), I'll definitely have the repeat c-section, but will also have a very different perspective on breastfeeding. And I would totally consider hiring either a postpartum doula to come to the house, or an in-house lactation consultant. And maybe not let the grandparents come right away...
This is too funny! Jack has such a good mommy! I'm with Becky- I still watch Disney channel too when I have a chance. I think most of those things you have to learn as you experience them (which I'm looking forward to!)
But you are doing a wonderful job and now you have some idea what to expect the next time around!
It's so true that you can't really know what kind of Mom you will be until you actually become a Mom. It's also easy to get down on yourself when you feel like you don't do things you know you should. But day in, day out being a Mom IS hard work and you gotta cut yourself some slack sometimes and just enjoy being with your kid and enjoy life in general. Kids are tough, resilient, smart and wonderful and if they are loved and cuddled, it's pretty much all they need (beyond feeding them of course, LOL.)
That was an awesome post.
I don't know if I have any strict guidelines about what I'm going to do for Baby Girl when she gets here. I am going to give Breastfeeding a go, but other than that... not sure. LOL!
Thank you SO much for your comments as well, it really means alot to me. It's been kinda hard as I don't really have anyone who's pregnant around me at the moment, and aside from stalking people's blogs for when they were pregnant I just kinda mull around over it. I removed the bumper from the crib and already feel tons better, ha ha ha.
My main worry is just making sure that everyone respects my wishes about having her lay on her back to sleep. His Mom is pretty adamant that they're to be on their sides. Not looking forward to WW3 if she doesn't, you know?
Hope you have a great weekend!
Your not a bad mother, I think all mother's set standards of what they will do to what they will not and well we really don't follow it through....I was the same way....and look (well not like you can LOL) at me know, I'm doing the same things you are, indeed I feel bad because i went against everything i said i wouldn't do but now when i look back, its not so bad...So your doing just fine at being a mom!!! Jack couldn't have ask for a better mom.....
@jasmin Dookram - Awww, thanks, Jassy! I have been meaning to write you an email -- I will soon, I promise! I want more pics from you in the meantime!
you are the mom, and my strategy was just to politely say, "My pediatrician told me that it is really much safer to sleep on the back for the first six months. But, when she's awake, we'll be sure to give her plenty of time on her tummy and side!" And if his mom insists on putting baby on her side, that's when Phil can step in. If nothing else, you can turn her back on her back after his mom turns her on her side, know what I mean? I am sure, though, that once baby gets here, and you make your opinion known, his mom will leave well enough alone!
You're welcome for the comments! I love talking about pregnancy stuff.
Feel free to troll my blogs from when I was pregnant! 
Hahaha I sound like you. Watching TV while I'm working and eating my 6 pints of ice cream that Mike left. That might explain why I am not loosing those love handles...
I'm glad I never made any rules for myself so I'm never disappointed with my bad parental styles. I love bribing my kids with lollipops for cutting their nails and finishing their meals. Also the tv is on more than it's off in my house.
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