June 20, 2009

• Full Term!

  Well, folks, as of today, I have carried this pregnancy to term! Medically speaking, if the baby were to come right now, he would no longer be considered premature. Not that I'm in a hurry for him to arrive, but it's a relief to know that we've now made it past the critical point.

  This morning, we went out for an early Father's Day breakfast. We didn't want to compete with the crowds tomorrow, and besides, Johnny will be out until the wee hours tonight for Zach's bachelor party (he's the best man!), so perhaps we'll let Johnny sleep in tomorrow.  After a delightful breakfast, we went to the REI store to pick up my in-laws' baby gift to us: The Bob dual jogging stroller I've been drooling after!

  

  I am so excited! We also got an adapter for the front that will allow an infant car seat to snap onto one side. On the other side, for Jack, will be a tray that can hold a sippy cup and some snacks. I also got the handlebar accessory that holds cell phone, keys and water bottles. I love love love it and know that it comes highly recommended. The swivel on or off function on the front wheel is particularly nice. It pushes easily with one hand, and yes, it's a bit bulky when folded up, but so are most double strollers. The most important things to me are that it's so smooth to push, and I can really run with it! I know I won't be able to jog with both kids in it until Baby Surprise is seven months old (head control thing), but as soon as I can run postpartum (probably around six weeks), I plan to get out there with at least Jack in the Bob and run like the wind (a very flabby type of wind )! Getting this stroller reminds me of how much I miss running. Soon enough! Oh, and the ample basket space underneath (at least compared to the Maclaren) will make it nice for some errand-running as well. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

  While we're posting pictures, here's my 37-week self:

  Can I get any bigger??

  

  Lately I've gotten some questions about my upcoming delivery, how this pregnancy has been compared to the one with Jack, and my postpartum plans. I figured now that the end of my pregnancy is near (the midwife did tell me to be prepared to deliver anytime after 37 weeks), it's a good time to answer those questions. So this will be another one of those broken-up-with-subheads entries; pick and choose what you want to read! (Though, as rockin' Anna mentioned in a recent post, you all should read every word I write. Just kidding.)

  Upcoming VBAC

  Most of you know (because I've talked about it nonstop since Jack was born ) that I'm attempting a VBAC (that's the acronym for "vaginal birth after cesarean section." And yes, for all the guys and relatives reading this, I promise to refrain from using the word "vaginal" again in my entries!). My hope is that I can deliver this baby without pain medications, just like I had planned to do with Jack. Some of you have asked me why a natural birth, and a lot of people say they wouldn't be "brave" enough to do it.

  Well, before I answer the question of why, I just want to reiterate that I think all women who give birth, regardless of the method, are brave. Whether it's a planned or emergency c-section, whether it's a "normal" birth with epidural, or whether it's a natural birth, delivering a baby safely is a scary concept. Here you are, with this human growing inside of you, and he/she has to come out either via a tiny opening or a cut deep into your abdomen? Even with all the pain meds in the world, that's a huge event. I guess my point is, there really is no gold medal here. Every birth method carries its pros and cons, and all moms are courageous. And most importantly, as long as a healthy baby and mom are at the end of the process, it's a success.

  OK, so as to why I'm choosing an unmedicated VBAC instead of a repeat section. Natural birth advocates will give a lot of medical reasons why a birth without medical interventions is "better" for mom and baby -- like a less drowsy baby, fewer complications for mom, easier recovery -- but that's not why I'm doing it. I don't buy into all of that. When I was taking my Bradley Method classes with Jack, I did believe a lot of it, but now I've come to think that some of it is propaganda, other parts of it is the liberal interpretation of statistics, and some of it is, of course, fact. Having had actual experience with newborns and discussions with other moms, I don't believe that having an epidural automatically makes your baby less alert, or that if you deliver any other way than naturally, that you are doomed to a bad recovery. It's the same as breastfeeding: People will tell you that formula-fed babies have lower IQs, more allergies and more illnesses, but that's not necessarily true. No, for me, it's not about the supposed science behind natural birth; this is really about the personal challenge.

  You all know I'm not a "crunchy" type of girl ... I like modern conveniences like showers, hotel rooms, disposable diapers (gasp) and yes, pain medication. But I also enjoy challenging myself from time to time. I think the most notable example is probably my running. Do I really love putting one foot in front of the other, pounding the asphalt (or the treadmill belt)? No, not at all. When people complain that running is boring, I wholeheartedly agree. However, I love the feeling of accomplishment I get when I run, when I look back and know that I covered that distance, be it three miles or 13.1 miles. I relish the feeling that my body has accomplished something powerful. And that is my whole motivation behind wanting a natural birth. So much of being a mom is about sacrifice, or at least focusing on someone else. The whole pregnancy, your body's being subletted. After the baby comes, you give up sleep, sanity and peace of mind for a little while (and by "little while," I mean forever, at least for the peace of mind part. Ha). When I was pregnant with Jack, I really viewed the delivery part, the crossing of the finish line after a marathon, if you will, as my part. Here was an experience that really could be for me, not for anyone else, not even really for Jack. I was confident that the doctor and hospital staff would ensure that he his safe arrival, no matter the method. The natural birth thing was really for me ... I wanted to experience, in its purest form, what giving birth would be like. And that's why, when the opportunity was whisked away, I was so sad.

  After Jack arrived, people said, "See, it didn't matter, did it?" In a way, it didn't, in that I would never hold Jack's birth method against him. But, in other ways, it did (and still does) matter to me that I didn't get a chance to try. So that's why this time, I'm going for the VBAC. I don't know whether it will happen in the end -- obviously, I will do whatever is medically necessary and recommended by the midwife/doctor team once my labor gets going -- but I have set things up and chosen a VBAC-friendly, top-notch hospital (UCLA's brand-new Ronald Reagan Medical Center in Westwood, for you locals) at which to deliver. I know my body is capable of this, and I can't wait to see what happens. Even if I end up in labor for hours (or days) and end up with a c-section, at least I'll know that I got to try it. I'm also prepared for a bad recovery -- I've heard from moms who gave birth vaginally who report a really terrible recovery. But, again, this isn't about the pain or lack thereof ... it's about the experience and the chance to try. I hope that makes sense!

  Also, I'd like to take the opportunity to say to any ladies reading this who might be contemplating a VBAC, that I also hope sharing my experience will show that you can go for a VBAC in a more "traditional" setting like a hospital. When I was first researching VBACs, I was nervous because it seemed like all the success stories (or even attempt stories) revolved around women giving birth at home. I respect that, but it's not for me. I do know moms who have done VBACs successfully at major hospitals, but those still aren't the majority of the stories out there. So, please know that you don't have to go all the way off the beaten path to have a VBAC. I hope that in the years to come, it becomes a "normal" option for all moms who have had previous c-sections, if they want it.

  Pregnancy Comparison

  This is probably what I get asked most often, by grocery checkout people, friends in real life and Internet friends.  There have been some differences, although for the most part, the two pregnancies have been very similar.

  The similarities are that with both, I escaped morning sickness, and that physically, things have gone very well. No gestational diabetes, no high blood pressure, no (or very little, at the end) swelling. Both times, I have been able to go about my life and work as usual (albeit a lot more tiredly), and for that, I am truly grateful and amazed. I think about how very uncoordinated and clumsy I am -- when I took ballet as a little girl, every time the teacher and the other students moved to the left, I invariably moved to the right and crashed into everyone else. Either that, or I'd fall flat on my face. I was once kicked out of a swimming class because, as the (terrible) instructor told my mom, "There's just nothing I can do for your daughter. She has no hand-eye coordination." I drive like a little old lady because it takes me a second to think about what I need my hands and feet to do, and then do it. Just about the only things I can do with great coordination are typing (I type fast!) and running (then again, any able-bodied person can put one foot in front of the other!). And, for the life of me, I can't make many crafts because my hands either get shaky, or what I cut out or draw ends up looking like a second-grader did it. When I draw a dog, Jack looks at it, shakes his head, says "cat," and meows. So with all those physical shortcomings, I am just awed by my body's ability to know what to do to grow a separate, healthy human being ... and of the opposite sex, no less! ... without any great impact on my daily life.

  As for the differences, well, I've definitely felt end-of-pregnancy discomforts more acutely with this pregnancy. Whether it's because I'm two years older, or my body's been through it more recently and I know what to feel for, or what, I've been feeling the aches, pains and Braxton-Hicks contractions earlier and more acutely this time. On the other hand, I also feel more prepared. No, I'm not really ready to be a mom of two (is anyone ever?), but I also know that I'll never be ready, and I'll just have to take the learning curve as it comes. Last time, I really thought, "Hey! I'm so prepared! I'll be the perfect mom!" and then became very upset when Jack turned my world upside down. This time, I know not to expect anything, and that yes, everything will be just fine. Eventually I'll have a routine going; no, the baby won't starve; and yes, I will eventually sleep again. And that gives me great peace of mind.

  Baby Surprise hasn't gotten as much prenatal attention from me. I haven't obsessed over every little detail, I haven't wondered what he might look like and be like, as I did with Jack. I think that's an advantage that Jack will always have: He got more of his parents' attention, starting in the womb, and of course his first two years, when there was no little sibling around. On the other hand, I do think the second child has the upper hand of parents who are a bit more relaxed, who know which mistakes to avoid this time and who can really appreciate all the milestones that fly by way too quickly. This time, when the baby lifts his head up for the first time, instead of worrying about whether he's reached this milestone a second "late," I'll just be proud and enjoy the moment, knowing that all too soon, we'll be taking a video of his first steps.

  Postpartum Plans

  Yup, I'll be doing (or rather, my mom will be doing) the same Asian postpartum recovery month as last time. This time, of course, we'll all be here in our house, instead of me and Johnny moving to my parents' like we did with Jack. My fellow Asian mommies know exactly what I'm talking about, and those of you who have read my blog since before Jack was born also know. In a lot of Asian cultures, the month (preferably 40 days) after a new baby arrives is a "lying-in" period for mom and newborn. The idea is to promote a really healthy recovery for mom, so that the reserves tapped during pregnancy and birth have a chance to completely restore themselves (or even surpass pre-pregnancy levels).

  Basically, what happens is that the new mom does not do any household chores or cooking (or, if possible, care of older children), and her only responsibility is to rest and bond with the new baby (letting someone else take over the night feedings, if possible, but since we're going to give breastfeeding another try, I will get up to feed the baby). The new mom also doesn't go outside or touch (or drink) cold water for a month, and there are special foods and herbal brews that are made for the mom. Last time, my mom prepared all this delicious food for me every day, and did all the laundry and a lot of Jack care. I didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I should have -- I kept feeling like I should be learning how to juggle household routines with a newborn. This time, I am fully appreciative of what a luxury this postpartum month is ... as I learned after we returned to our apartment with Jack, there is all the time in the world to learn a routine, but no other time in which to put your feet up as a new mom! I now know this is a privilege that most new moms in the US don't have, and I'm really grateful that my mom is willing to do this -- a lot of moms are like, "No, thanks," and just send their daughters to a postpartum care center (they exist in many Asian communities) or hire someone to do it. It really takes a lot out of the person who's doing this for the new mom, in terms of physical and mental energy. But yes, it is a little hard not to go outside or drink cold things in July ... however, it's only a month, and a small price to pay for the mini-vacay for me!

  In preparation for this postpartum month, I've been making and freezing food that Johnny can eat. He can also make some meals for himself, but I'd prefer my mom not have to worry about the special diet I'm supposed to eat in this postpartum month and what everyone else is eating. I figure she'll have way more than enough to do, and Johnny, between work, helping with Jack and the new baby and any house chores that arise, will also have his hands full. So far I've made and frozen a big lasagna, about 20 roasted drumsticks, and today I'm making June's famous "crack pasta sauce," so named because it is extremely addictive. I've also stocked the pantry with snacks, and there's a big case of Pellegrino in the garage (for when Johnny's parents come to visit). There's also a huge case of Eggo waffles for breakfasts in the freezer. I think we're pretty set. Yesterday I also got the urge to stock up on milk at Costco for Jack (because God forbid I should go into labor ... who would get milk for Jack? I swear, pregnant women are so irrational sometimes. After I ran to get the milk, it occurred to me that hello, anyone could get milk for Jack. It's just milk!).

  Well, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I think we're in good shape (after tomorrow, when my mom's all settled in here) for baby's arrival. I'll update after my 37-week appointment on Tuesday!

  • 4:13 pm
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