June 10, 2010

• Johnny’s 30! And Some Kid-Related Updates

  Oops, I totally forgot until today that I haven’t mentioned Johnny’s birthday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, last Sunday, my darling husband turned 30. I still have more than three months to go until I hit that milestone, so for now, I’m taking every chance I get to gloat about the fact that I’m still in my 20s.  Of course, that’s not very fun, because Johnny’s actually not unhappy about being 30, but I’m a little reluctant to say goodbye to my 20s.

  We celebrated with a night at Boardwalk 11, a karaoke bar, with a few friends, and Chris and Victoria. Fun times ensued, although I think next time we’ll opt for a room so that we don’t have to spend the evening watching American Idol-wannabes belt out song after song.

  All is well on the home front. Derek is cruising like a champ, and it looks like he’ll walk any day now. He doesn’t crawl much; he has no patience for being on all fours. He’s also calling “mama!” quite expertly these days, and he will respond “nigh-nigh” when you say goodnight to him. It’s very cute! He’s also definitely moved on past baby food now, and is chugging whole milk. We’ve already gotten rid of one of his four daily bottles, and next week we’ll chuck the mid-day, post-lunch bottle. I plan to be done with bottles completely by his first birthday. There will be much celebration and fanfare (and a little wistfulness) when Johnny and I march the bottle-drying rack and bottle brush out to the recycling bin. Seriously, we are so tired of washing bottles! (We don’t stick them in the dishwasher because that seems to wear them out more quickly.) I am a little sad that my last baby’s growing up so quickly, but mostly I’m excited about all the fun stages to come. Right now he’s pretty darn adorable, though.

  

  As for Jack, the biggest update is that we have been using a new discipline method called “1-2-3 Magic” (link below). One of the moms in my playgroup told me about it, and I noticed that the technique was really working well for her son, who’s just about Jack’s age. Jack’s pretty well-behaved for an almost three-year-old, but we definitely have our moments where he doesn’t listen, whines or breaks rules that he knows perfectly well. It’s tough not to get frustrated when a toddler is trying his best to push your buttons, and patience is definitely not my strong suit. I have an OK level of patience, but at 4:30 p.m. on a day that started before 7 a.m., it’s easy for me to get sucked into a bad cycle of trying to reason with Jack, then arguing with/yelling at him when that doesn’t work. I have spanked Jack a few times when I’ve been at my wit’s end, and always I have regretted it. I think spanking works with some kids, but for Jack, he just gets angrier, and then next time he gets mad, he hits. So that’s no good. So, anyway, even though we usually do pretty well, I wanted to be better able to stay calm but still show Jack that I mean business. We parents are the boss, not him! Shortly after my playgroup friend told me about the book, one of my mommy forum friends happened to post about it, too. I decided, with this much buzz (and with the good results I saw), I should check it out.

  Well, I’m so glad I ordered it! The whole thing makes a lot of sense, it’s easy, and it’s working. I don’t want to rehash the whole book (and it’s really better to read the whole thing; it doesn’t take long. It took me only two short evenings to read it, and it’s written humorously), but the major concept is that for “obnoxious behaviors” (actions that you want your kid to stop doing, like throwing toys around or whining), you count them. The first time they do it, you say, “That’s 1.” The second time, “That’s 2.” The third time, it’s, “That’s three, time out.” Then you simply take them to their room and set a timer (one minute for each year of age; Jack’s almost three, so he gets three minutes). For egregious, unacceptable behaviors, like hitting or calling a parent a name, you can do an automatic “3″ (because it would just be silly to give your child three chances to hit you), and you can also tack on extra minutes for those offenses. There’s zero extra talking from the parent and no emotion. You also don’t explain or say, “Come on, don’t do that, you know better” before you count. You just start counting the first time they do something bad. The only exception is if the bad behavior is truly dangerous, or if it’s something new for them, and they legitimately might not know it’s a bad thing to do (such as, they go to a play gym and jump on a trampoline, then come home and start jumping on the couch. You can explain once that they’re not allowed to jump on the couch, but then after that, it starts being a countable offense). The whole idea is to let the consequence speak for itself, instead of muddling it up with a lot of parental discussion. After the time out, there’s also no discussion. You can adapt this method for kids up to 12, too, and it makes a lot of sense. They also discuss ways to motivate kids to do “start behaviors,” like getting ready to go in the morning or eating their dinner (those types of things, it’s not effective to count for). And they cover some other consequences you could use for older kids. Anyway, we explained it to Jack briefly, and then started counting a little over a week ago. He really gets it, and he’ll usually now stop behaviors on “one” or “two.” Soon we’ll start using the “start behavior” motivators to get him to brush his teeth and finish his dinner. I like how positive, calm and yet firm this method is. It definitely communicates that the parent is in charge, but it doesn’t involve excess emotion.

  OK, I’m done with my infomercial about this book. Time to get some post-lunch dishes done!

  • 4:36 pm
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